Berichte von 10/2018

chat with earthquake buddy

25Okt2018

last time i had another moment of panic and again randomly started crying in the middle of the night i decided it's time to get in contact with my friend david who was with me the whole time during and after the earthquake. 

die konversation ist in englisch, hoffe die meisten können es verstehen.

 

hey dave how are you doing
i just had another weird moment because the wind outside is so strong that the house makes noises and i just wanted to ask if you still experience these moments of panic coming back
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Hey Lena! Great to hear from you

It's so strange you said that tonight! I was literally just in a restaurant and I could feel the ground move. I think it might've been lorries but it freaked me out! My heart was racing!

So yes

I was on a bridge a few weeks ago and the wind made it move, that freaked me out too

Sorry to hear it's still bothering you too ?

I think it's some sort of PTSD

We might be sensitive to that kind of thing for a few years I guess
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Yeah, I really think the brain is remembering this feeling SO well that it’s a lot more alert to thes kind of movements and noises if that makes sense. It feels like it actually made up a new additional sense for it.

I just wanted to check and hear something from a person that knows how it felt like, in these moments I never really tell anyone so it’s very nice to tell you and almost good to hear you have them as well, even though I feel sorry for you, too!

It most certainly is I guess. Where in the world are you at the moment by the way? Back in the UK?

And how does your book writing go and the other things like the lucid dreaming you wanted to get into?
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Yeah I feel the same. I was going to message you, but I didn't want to keep reminding you of it!!

But I'm glad you messaged me, please do! I'm happy to talk about it whenever!

I agree with you too, it's like a new sense!

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so thats when we started chitchatting about other things for a bit but i have to say this conversation made me feel so much better even though i am still lieing in bed freaking out on these noises but it’s such a good thing to keep in contact with him because i know we went through EXACTLY like a 100% the same experience and have been together the whole time during the earthquake pretty much up until leaving indonesia. hearing this just makes me feel like someone knows what i am talking about and what i am or we are still going through. obviously we don’t really have the right to complain because we are safe and sound in other parts of the world, don’t need to worry about it anymore in comparison to all the locals who have to deal with the actual consequences but it’s still in my mind the whole damn time. every single shift in my restaurant i experience these moments of panic that just randomly come up because it’s so noisy inside all the time.
that new zealand is a very unsafe place regarding earthquakes as well doesn’t make it any better.
it’s 3am in the night and i really just want to sleep but can’t.
the other day i woke up in pure panic again just because i somehow integrated the fear in my sleep and apparently thought the ground was shaking.
it’s really tough but i think it’s going to be better as soon as i come home.
luckily germany is very low on the risk of natural disasters.

so for now to also actually give a wee update on my life:
I quit my job to the 2nd of november and will leave new zealand as soon as possible after that date. the plan is to fly to vietnam and then travel from the north to thailand to catch my flight to hamburg on the 19th.